Today, my beautiful Great Nana passed away.
When dad told me, it hit me like a brick. My mind starts racing with thoughts.
"Why like this?'
"Why didn't I visit more often?"
"Why do I not see my family more often when they're all so close."
This whole month has been absolutely horrendous. It's been one thing on top of another and I didn't think I could handle one more thing and then it all ends with this.
I'm just not emotionally prepared to deal with this right now. I absolutely hate seeing people that I love so much so sad.
Parts of me are sad that she's gone, she was a wonderful, wonderful woman. Besides my own mother and my Nana, she's seriously one of the most beautiful people on the planet. She just radiates warmth, compassion and gentleness. Her marriage to my Great Papa has been and will always be an example of loyalty and true love. She lived a long and rich life though and for that I am very grateful, and I'm so thankful that she was such a huge part of my life.
The family was recently all pulled together for the celebration of Great Nana and Great Papa's 70th wedding anniversary. It was one of the most beautiful and meaningful days of my life. Looking around and seeing all of these people that they had an impact on was truly a profound thing. All of these people essentially existed because of these two wonderful people. I was completely moved by the whole day and so glad that I could be there to share in that day.
Most of me is sad because people that I love have lost someone so dear. My Great Papa has lost his best friend, my Nana has lost her mom, my dad and his siblings and cousins have lost their Nana, and me and countless other cousins and second cousins have lost their Great Nana, and even for some, a great great grandma.
I'm just not ready to deal with the sadness of the funeral. I know that we will be celebrating such a beautiful life, but there's still a loss.
It's times like these where I just want to embrace the people that I love and never let go but then I regret that it's situations like these that encourage me to remind the people I love how much I love them. It really puts a lot of things into perspective.
I know that this is a photography blog and this has nothing to do with photography, but I needed a place to go. I think I've changed my plans for my next assignment but I won't reveal what it is until it's done.
Great Nana, you will be missed so much.
I'm ending this for now with what she wrote to me a few years ago at my wedding shower.
Kiss him in the morning! Cuddle at night! Keep "God" as your best Friend!- Great Nana Helen Singer"
I will Nana, I will.
(thanks to Gina for this beautiful picture)